L.1. Marvin the Paranoid Android
See X.15. Marvin the Paranoid Rock Star for details of Marvin the Paranoid Android's brief recording career.
The soundclips are not included in the takeaway ZIP format of the FAQ for reasons of space and time.
Marvin:
Know what really makes me mad?
I'm so depressed I could expectorate
Radio message:
With the exception of four "Marvin"s by an unidentified female vocalist near the end of the song, all of the speaking and singing in this song is Stephen Moore's Marvin's responsibility. In other words, all voices are Marvin unless otherwise stated.
'Rap':
How can a robot think
L.1.1. Marvin
I'm just a robot and I know my place
Chorus (wailing female vocal):
A metal servant to the human race
I work my can off trying to satisfy
I know they'll disconnect me by and by
Marvin
Marvin:
Marvin
Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh
Chip on my shoulder made of silicon
Chorus:
My printed circuits like a lexicon
Ten billion logic functions, maybe more
They make me pick the paper off the floor
Marvin
Marvin:
Marvin
Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh
Aaaaaahhhhhhh
Solitary solenoid
Chorus:
Terminally paranoid
Marvin
They clean me with a brillo pad.
A carwash wouldn't be so bad.
Life, don't talk to me about life!
My moving parts are in a sorry state
I want to rust in peace, switch off and lie
In that great junkyard in the sky
Marvin
Marvin:
Marvin
Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh
Aaaaaahhhhhhhh
Solitary solenoid
Chorus:
Terminally paranoid
Marvin
Nothing left to be enjoyed
Every diode rheumatoid
Marvin
Outer alloy, inner void
Marvin
Happiness has been destroyed.
Marvin
Marvin
Marvin
Marvin
Marvin [fade]L.1.2. Metal Man
Roger [footnote 1], your ship is out of control. Robot override imperative, repeat imperative, suggest you assign control to Marvin.
Female vocal:Metal man
Captain:
(Metal man)This is your Captain calling [footnote 2]
Female vocal:Metal man
Captain:
(Metal man)Temperature falling
Female vocal:Metal man
Captain:
(Metal man)Metal man I cannot read you
Female vocal:Metal man
Captain:
(Metal man)
[this continues for much of the song]Listen man I really need you
Marvin:
Please answer!
OK man here's the plan
You make it hard to love you
Raise your hand, metal hand, to the controls, the control panel above you,
I can't move I'm trapped here dammit Marvin! Marvin! Please acknowledge!
Marvin!
Marvin this is your captain, please acknowledge!
Just nod your head if you hear me!
Make it soon old pal
My vision's cloudy
Blurry
And my speech is slurring
Please help me!
Marvin here
Captain:
Never fear
All systems clear
Don't lose your cool, captain
You know this is only the second time in thirty million years that I've had anything even remotely challenging enough to absorb my massive brain for more than two minutes.
You know, old skipper, these black holes are really bad news to be trapped in.
Oh, Marvin, I was always your biggest fan, you old son of a bitch!
Marvin:
I thought you'd like that.
Captain:
What the hell was going wrong, do you know Marvin?
Marvin:
It doesn't take me long to get nothing done.
Captain:
(incoherent celebration)
Marvin:
Look at her go
Captain:
It's a good thing you did hand to me isn't it?OK Marvin... (incoherent)
Marvin:
This is some ship isn't it captain?
Crew:
(cheers & general my-life-has-been-saved type happiness)
Marvin:
OK crew let's settle down and get on with the business of running a spaceship.
footnote: 1. In the absence of any persons called Roger, it is presumed that this is a reference to radio etiquette; alternatively, that it is a case of mistaken identity. (back)L.1.3. Reasons To Be Miserable
Reasons to be miserable give my brain a pain.
Moaned:
Very little turns me on, Marvin is my name.
I'm a robot, it's my lot, a robot full of cares,
I'd feel a little better if they broke me up for spares.
Everything I say or do I find the world condemning-
If I had my time again I'd rather be a lemming.
I'm just a menial robot
Angry chorus:
Ohhhh well
They drive me crazy with their
Moaned:
"Marvin close the door!"
Well isn't it enough to make me
Tidy up the floor
You know it spoils a robot's day...
Marvin when you've finished you can put yourself away.
I'm going to flip my lid.
'Rap':
They treat me like a kid.
Robot naughty, robot bad,
'Chant':
Robot happy, robot sad,
"Who's a clever robot lad?"
It would drive a human mad
Robots are inhuman
Moaned:
Robots are inhuman
Human, robots are in-
human, robots are in
I get no satisfaction
Angry chorus:
I'm bored
Can't bear these humans when they
Pat me on the head
Make me do their work
I'd rather me a calculator
Treat me like a jerk
Ohohoh that'll be the day.
I'd rather be a percolator
It'd be no trouble
Just to bubble life away
Moaned:
Don't get a holiday
Sarcastic:
Or friends to stay
With his elbows in the sink?
Marvin peel a grape
Female vocal:(Marvin)
Moaned:
Is there no escape?
Female vocal:(Marvin)
More sarcastic:
Marvin dig a hole
Female vocal:(Marvin)
Even more sarcastic:
Play some rock and roll
Female vocal:(Marvin)
Guitar-screamy sort of largely instrumental break, during which Marvin can be heard commenting, just when you thought he couldn't get more sarcastic:
Yeah.
Back to the spoken bile:
Dig it.
I really hate it when they
Underload my brain
Washing up the dirty dishes
Diodes give me pain
Walking dogs and feeding fishes
Driving me insane
Just a metal slave is what a robot is
And always
Will remain.